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28 April 2006
Hi Everyone!
Ever
wonder about the quality of our countrys leadership? Sprinkled within the fUNNIES
this week are stories from Maureen Zack about the people who have a say in who
our leaders are
And
dont forget to take a look at the Highway Artwork
simply amazing!
Enjoy
the beautiful weekend!
:-)>
Dr Bernie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Contents
-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
- Tombstone
- Putting Life Into Perspective
- Highway Artwork
- The Organist
- Jewish Survivor
- Little Johnny
- Kissing a Frog
- Some Wisdom
- Eerie Stuff
Some
guy bought a new fridge for his house. To
get rid of his
old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take
it". For three days the fridge sat
there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal. It looked
too good to be true,
so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50". The next day someone stole it.
Caution!
. . . . . . . . . .this guys votes!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(from
HankL via Barry)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Headstone of Russell J. Larson in the
This is a man's man, sounds like a plan.
=======
While looking at a house, my brother asked the
real estate agent which
direction was North because, he explained,he didn't
want the sun waking him up every
morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?" When my brother explained that the sun rises
in the East, (and has for
sometime), she shook her head and said, "Oh,I
don't keep up with that stuff". . .
. . . . . .She
ALSO votes!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(from
Barbara Rosenberg) Putting Life Into Perspective
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I
recently picked a new primary care physician.??After
two visits and
exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing
"fairly well" for my age.
A
little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking??him,
"Do
you think I'll live to be 80?"
He
asked, "Do you smoke tobacco or drink alcoholic beverages?"
"Oh
no," I replied. "I'm not doing drugs, either."
Then
he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"
I
said, "No, my other doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!"
"Do
you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing,
hiking, or bicycling?"
"No,
I don't," I said.
He
asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"
"No,"
I said. "I don't do any of those things."
He
looked at me and said, "Then why do you give a shit?"
=========
While
waiting at a Pizza Parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone
and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6.
He thought about it for some time before responding. "Just cut
it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 . . . . . . . . Yep, he votes too.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(from Tom Sokolowski) Highway Artwork <photos>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Highway artwork. It is a
series of 7 semi-trailer trucks that have been painted by a "trompe l'oeil" artist.
(trompe l'oeil is french for 'fool the
eye').
Hope they did not cause any wrecks!!
1)
trailer painted to look as if the side and back
are open, and a giant bottle of foreign beer is sticking out of the trailer.
2)
entire trailer is painted to! Look like a giant canvas
tote bag. The strap appears to jut out , but it
is all a flat surface.
3)
the trailer is painted to look open, with cases
of pepsi-cola in stacks, suspended from the ceiling,
and the bottom of the trailer is empty.
4)
trailer has been painted to look like the front
of a truck, complete with a windshield and a truckdriver
painted in the "driver's seat". He is looking back over his
shoulder to appear as if he is driving backward. (in
my opinion, this one could cause a
5)
painted as a beautiful, lighted aquarium with
fish swimming in it and "live" vegitation.
6)
another foreign ad -- this one a shelf lined
full with books and a post-it note with the number. The back has a
7)
the last one is for pringles
hot & spicy....well, see for yourself.....
remember -- ea ch and every
photo you've seen here is actually just paint on a plain ol'
semi trailer!! I don't know about you, but that impresses
the hell outta me!! Pass them on ...
They're worth it!
==========
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7
call center. One day I
got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24
hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded "Is that Eastern or
Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said,
"Uh, Pacific" . . . . . . . . .He ALSO votes!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(from
Jackieten) The Organist
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for sweetness and
kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint
sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat
facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting
on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water floated, of all
things, a condom!
When she returned with tea and scones,
they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of
water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could
no longer resist.
"Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about
this?" pointing to the bowl.
"Oh, yes" she
replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months
ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place
it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease.
Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter!"
==========
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in
our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants
talking about the sunburn she got on her
weekend drive to the shore. She drove
down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned
because the car was moving". . . . .
. . She ALSO votes!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(from Cousin Gaylanne) Jewish Survivor
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CBS has announced it's
working on and seeking applicants for a new reality series
called "Jewish Survivor." Here's the premise:
16
Jews are put in a two-bedroom co-op on the Upper West Side of
The Rules:
1.
No cleaning lady.
2.
No use of ATM's or credit cards.
3.
No food from take-out or delivery, which specifically includes
Chinese food.
4.
All purchases must be at full retail prices.
5.
Women may not call their mothers , men may not
call their offices .
6.
Outside trips must be by foot, bus or
subway. No limos, Town Cars or cabs.
7.
All workouts and exercise must be done in the apartment with no
workout machines.
8.
Zabars is off limits.
9.
No playing of Jewish geography.
10.
11. No reading Neiman Marcus, Sak's
12.
Only one phone line for all 16 members. No call can last more
than 3 minutes. No cell phones.
13.
Maintenance problems must be resolved by the members, without help
from the super or any other
gentile.
14. All therapy sessions must
be suspended.
15.
No consulting with attorneys.
16. No whitefish, lox, or bagels.
17.
No antacids of any kind.
The results? So far, there have
been NO applicants....
==========
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car
It's designed to cut through
a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk .
. . . . . My sister ALSO votes!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(from
Tom Sokolowski) Little Johnny
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A
new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her
class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The
teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No,
ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her
face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself
beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a
tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little
Johnny. "Giving up?"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She
called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?
"Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon
Network!"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police
station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most
wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and
asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the
policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him. "Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him
when you took his picture?"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his
father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's
legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are
you doing that? "His father replied,
"Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy
and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I
think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."
==========
My friends and I were on a beer run and
noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big
party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave
us a 20% discount . . . . . He ALSO
votes!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(from
Joel Goldstein) Kissing a Frog
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the
greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window,
revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in
frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving
the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, 'You lied!"
==========
I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a
woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My
friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her
head?" I explained that a person's nose and
ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned. . . . . . . . . . My friend
ALSO votes!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(from
Irving4) Some Wisdom
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Click On The Donkey. http://upchucky.net/~upchucky/flash-fun/farmer-donkey.swf
=========
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport
baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the
woman there that my bags never showed
up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional
and I was in good hands. "Now,"
she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet? ". . . . . . . . . SHE ALSO votes!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(from
Jackieten) Growing Older <photos>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(from
Frank Ingrassia) Eerie Stuff
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1)
2)
3) Ramsin Yuseb (The
terrorist who threatened to destroy the Twin Towers in 1993) has 11 letters.
4) George W Bush has 11 letters.
This could be a mere coincidence, but this gets more interesting:
1)
2) The first plane crashing against the
3) Flight 11 was carrying 92 passengers. 9 + 2 = 11
4) Flight 77 which also hit
5) The tragedy was on September 11, or 9/11 as it is now known. 9
+ 1+ 1 = 11
6) The date is equal to the
Sheer coincidence..?! Read on and make up your own mind:
1) The total number of victims inside all the hi-jacked planes was 254. 2 + 5 +
4 = 11.
2) September 11 is day number 254 of the calendar year. Again
2 + 5 + 4 = 11.
3) The
4) The tragedy of
Now this is where things get totally eerie:
The most recognised symbol for the
"For it is written that a son of
That verse is number 9.11 of the Quran.
Still uncovinced about all of this..?! Try this and
see how you feel afterwards, it made my hair stand on end:
Open Microsoft Word and do the following:
1. Type in capitals Q33 NY. This is the flight number of the first plane to hit
one of the
2. Highlight the Q33 NY.
3. Change the font size to 48.
4. Change the actual font to the WINGDINGS
What do you think now?!!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
Hope everybody has a great weekend!
tHE fRIDAY
fUNNIES is a free, weekly distribution by a lunatic
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dr. Bernie Domanski
Email: fRIDAYfUNNIESbyDrBernie-owner@yahoogroups.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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