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2 March 2007
Hi Everyone!
Very cool
great videos this week
check em
all out! Have a great weekend!
:-)> Dr Bernie
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Contents -
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From
Syman - Definitions
Paul Keister Goodbye Mom
Joanne Morris Blonde Jokes!
Eddie R Whats Wrong With
the Human Brain
Letterman via Dave Thorn - Top 10 Signs Your
Movie Won't Win an Oscar
the Jackster Jokes to Offend Everyone!
Barbara Rosenberg Taters <video>
Tom Sokolowski You
Might Be a Redneck If
<photos>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(from Syman) - Definitions
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From
ezines@arcamax.com-
The
Washington Post asked readers to take any word from the dictionary... alter it
by adding, subtracting, or changing on one letter... and supply a new
definition!
Intaxication:
Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Reintarnation:
Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Giraffiti:
Vandalism spray-painted very-very high.
Sarchasm:
The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
Inoculatte:
To take coffeee intravenously when you are running
late.
Hipatitus:
Terminal coolness.
Karmegeddon:
It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
Dopeler
Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you
rapidly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(from
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRPi_dNLliY
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(from Paul Keister) Goodbye Mom
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young man shopping in a supermarket Noticed a little old lady following him
around. If he stopped, she stopped.. Furthermore she
kept staring at him.
She finally overtook him at the checkout, And she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at
ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son."
He answered, "That's okay."
"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out "Good bye, Mom" as I leave
the store, It would make me feel so
happy."
She then went through the checkout, And as she was on her way out of the
store, The man called out,
"Goodbye, Mom."
The little old lady waved, and smiled Back at him
Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine
Into someone's day, he went to pay for
his Groceries.
"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk..
"How come so much ... I only bought
5 items.."
The clerk replied, "Yeah,
but your Mother said You'd be paying for
her things, too."
Don't trust little Old Ladies!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(from Joanne Morris) Blonde Jokes!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BLONDE
LOGIC Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one
blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away...Florida or
the moon?" The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo,
can you see
CAR
TROUBLE - A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it
died. After he works on it for a few
minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He
replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I
have to do that?"
SPEEDING
TICKET - A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see
her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get
your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you
expect me to show it to you!"
RIVER
WALK - There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees
another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How
can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then
down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."
AT
THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE - A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office
and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. "Impossible!"
says the doctor. "Show me." The
redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed
her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere
she touched made her scream. The doctor said, "You're not really a
redhead, are you? "Well, no" she said,
"I'm actually a blonde." "I thought so," the doctor said.
"Your finger is broken."
KNITTING
- A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was
astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper
cranked down his window, turned on his
bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO!" the blonde yelled
back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
BLONDE
ON THE SUN - A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking
one day. The Russian said,
"We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the
moon!" The Blonde said , "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their
heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn
up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you
know. We're going at night!"
IN
A VACUUM - A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her
turn. She rolled the dice and she landed
on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and
someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then
asked, "Is it on or off?"
FINALLY,
THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A
girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked
her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named
Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone
naming dogs like that?" "HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond."They're watch dogs!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(from Eddie R) Whats Wrong With
the Human Brain
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scientists
have finally discovered what's wrong with the human brain:
On the left side, there is nothing right,
and on the right side, there is nothing left.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(from
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(from Letterman via Dave
Thorn) - Top 10 Signs Your Movie Won't Win an
Oscar
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
10. It was directed by Kenny Scorsese
9. In the middle of one scene, one of the
actors calls his agent and fires him
8. It's a gut-wrenching
drama about one man's struggle to hook up his Sirius Satellite Radio
7. Actors are kitties
6. You couldn't afford Prada,
so Devil wears a Hilary Clinton pantsuit
5. Answers the question, "Did we really need a movie version of Who's The Boss?'
"
4. (no number 4 -
writer still stuck on grounded JetBlue flight)
3. Hero's spaceship is actually a '95 Ford
Focus
2. Title features words "snakes" and
"plane"
1. DVD starts with: "FBI Warning: This
film is a piece of crap"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(from the Jackster) Jokes to
Offend Everyone!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What do you call two Mexicans playing
basketball? Juan on Juan
What is a Yankee? The same as a
quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a
Why is divorce so expensive? Because
it's worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? Doughnuts
Why is air a lot like sex? Because
it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What do you call a smart blonde? A
golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 10 years and 45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 45 minutes
What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand
criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are
sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase
cars they have no intention of driving.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? Because they have cotton balls.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW? A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don't have eyes.
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use
the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the
Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blond
baby? They named him "Sum Ting
Wong"
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter
than the other?
A speech impediment What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern
zoo? A southern zoo has a description of
the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a
recipe".
How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old
lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a
southern fairytale? A northern fairytale
begins "Once upon a time ..." -A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this s**t....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(from Barbara Rosenberg) Taters <video>
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http://www.frontiernet.net/~jimdandy/specials/sweettators/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(from
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
from Tom Sokolowski) You Might Be a Redneck If
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You Might be a redneck
if...
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Hope everybody has a great weekend!
tHE fRIDAY fUNNIES
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dr. Bernie
Domanski
Email: fRIDAYfUNNIESbyDrBernie-owner@yahoogroups.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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