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16 March 2007
Hi Everyone!
Too good! Enjoy! Have a great weekend – and thanks!
:-)> Dr Bernie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Contents -
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Contributions this week from
--
- Tom Sokolowski
- Outsourcing <video>
- EMDAlan – New Supermarket
- Rich Olcott – Love Story in 3 Pictures
- Albie Ramos – Trunk Monkey <videos>
- SYMAN – Why I Like Retirement
- Barbara Rosenberg – Manischewitzville: Get Ready for Passover
- EMDAlan – Blonde is Pregnant
- Mark Colman - Idle Thoughts Of A
Wandering Mind
- Steven Imberman – Dodge Commercial <video>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(from Tom Sokolowski) - Outsourcing
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Too true!
http://blip.tv/file/get/Drbernie-Outsourcing901.wmv
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(from EMDAlan) – New Supermarket
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The new Kroger supermarkets have an
automatic water mister to keep the
produce fresh Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant
thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you approach the milk cases, you
hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh hay.
When you approach the egg case, you
hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of
bacon and eggs frying.
The veggie department features the
smell of fresh buttered corn.
I Just don't
buy toilet paper there any more.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(from Rich Olcott) – Love Story in 3 Pictures
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(from Albie Ramos) – Trunk Monkey <videos>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
http://blip.tv/file/get/Drbernie-TrunkMonkey1178.wmv
http://blip.tv/file/get/Drbernie-TrunkMonkey2806.wmv
http://blip.tv/file/get/Drbernie-TrunkMonkey3665.wmv
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(from SYMAN) – Why I
Like Retirement
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Many of you know that I already live this lifestyle! J DrB)
And
They Ask Why I Like Retirement: -From
Bob-
Q:
When is a retiree's bedtime?
A:
Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
Q:
How many retiree's to change a light bulb?
A:
Only one, but it might take all day.
Q:
What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
A:
There is not enough time to get everything done.
Q:
Why don't retirees mind being called seniors?
A:
The term comes with a 10% discount.
Q:
Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
A:
Tied shoes.
Q:
Why do retirees count pennies?
A:
They are the only ones who have the time.
Q:
What do retirees call a long lunch?
A:
Q:
What is the best way to describe retirement?
A:
The never ending coffee break.
Q:
What does a retiree do all week?
A:
Monday to Friday; Nothing. Satuday & Sunday he
rests.
A: Something to share with all the
retirees you know. I'm sure they can relate to some of
them. And if you have not yet retired, look what you have to look forward to.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(from
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
With the beginning of the golf season
here, it's time for an oldie but goodie.........
A nun walks into Mother
Superior's office + plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy
with frustration.
"What troubles you, Sister?" asks Mother Superior. "I
thought this was the day you spent with your family."
"It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf with my
brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a
talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ."
"I seem to recall that," the Mother Superior agreed. "So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?"
"Far from it," snorted the Sister. "In fact, I even took
the Lord's name in vain today!"
"Goodness, Sister!" gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. "You
must tell me all about it!"
"Well, we were on the fifth tee...and this hole is a monster, Mother ~ 540
yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg left + a hidden green and I hit the drive of my
life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made.
And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted...and it hits
a bird in mid-flight not 100 yards off the tee!"
"Oh my!" commiserated the Mother. "How
unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you blaspheme, sister!"
"No, that wasn't it," admitted Sister. "While I was still trying
to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball
and runs off down the fairway!"
"Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!" sympathized
Mother.
"But I didn't, Mother Superior!" sobbed the Sister. "And I was
so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God,
this hawk swoops out of the sky + grabs the squirrel + flies off, with my ball
still clutched in his paws!"
"So that's when you cursed," said the Mother with a knowing smile.
"Nope, that wasn't it either," cried the Sister, anguished,
"because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started
struggling, + the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball
popped out of his paws + rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!"
Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed
the Sister with a baleful stare + said...
"You missed the freaking putt, didn't you?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(from Barbara Rosenberg) – Manischewitzville:
Get Ready for Passover
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
http://one.revver.com/watch/193542
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(from EMDAlan) – Blonde is Pregnant
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in
the driveway just jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping for joy
but I thought, what the heck, and I starting jumping up and down along with
her.
She said, "I have some really great news!"
I said, "Great. Tell me why you're so happy."
She stopped jumping and, breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down,
told me that she was pregnant! I knew that she had been trying for a while so I
told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier for you!"
Then she said, "There's more."
I asked, "What do you mean 'more'?"
She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have
TWINS!" Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I
asked her how she knew.
She said... "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and they
actually had a pregnancy kit in a twin-pack.
Both tests came out positive
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(from Mark Colman) - Idle Thoughts Of A Wandering Mind
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I
had amnesia once---or twice.
********************
Protons
have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
********************
All
I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
********************
If
the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.
********************
What
is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
********************
They
told me I was gullible and I believed them.
********************
Teach
a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the
freeway.
********************
Experience
is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
********************
One
nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
********************
My
weight is perfect for my height--which varies.
********************
I
used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
********************
How
can there be self-help "groups"?
********************
If
swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
********************
Show
me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
********************
Is
it me --or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(from Steven Imberman) – Dodge Commercial <video>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
http://blip.tv/file/get/Drbernie-DodgeCommercial192.wmv
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
Hope everybody has a great weekend!
tHE fRIDAY fUNNIES
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dr. Bernie
Domanski
Email: fRIDAYfUNNIESbyDrBernie-owner@yahoogroups.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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